We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
