I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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