Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
