i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
