I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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