I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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