why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
