Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
