I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
