dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
