do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
