Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
