i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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