you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
