That's intense
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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