This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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