life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
