Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
