im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize