youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
