My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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