idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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