She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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