I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
