Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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