You can't motorboat a personality
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
