Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
