Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
