what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They have beer where we have blood.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
