Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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