how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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