I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
