I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
