i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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