In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The air taste purple.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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