I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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