She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
