I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
