Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
