I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
