I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
