toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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