She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
