Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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