frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice