Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can juggle bunnies
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"