There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction