one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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