I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
