Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
