you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
