With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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