if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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