Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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