Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
