I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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