I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
