god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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