I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
