your thong is hanging out like whoa
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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