its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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