well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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