We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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