i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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