If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
