WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My ass is underappreciated
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
