My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
