I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
