You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
