He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
