Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
