If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?