So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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