I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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