Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
