u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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