My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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