Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
