you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
