Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
