just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
