Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
