I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
