i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
